


sister, sister

by bestthreemonths



Category: Her Name in the Sky - Kelly Quindlen
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8311882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestthreemonths/pseuds/bestthreemonths
Summary: Baker finally gets the opportunity to fulfill her lifelong dream of being a big sister.





	

**Author's Note:**

> two of these in one day? thanks queen kelly for the inspiration <3

“Remember when I tried teaching you how to play Texas Hold ‘Em?” Hannah muses in the middle of her Sunday night FaceTime date with Baker.

 

“Mhm,” Baker says distractedly.

 

“And you were terrible at it?”

 

“Yeah,” Baker says, but it’s clear she isn’t paying attention as her eyes scan elsewhere on the screen.

 

“It’s because your poker face is shit,” Hannah says sharply.

 

That gets Baker’s attention. “Wait, what?” she asks, looking at the screen where Hannah’s face is.

 

“Exactly!” Hannah exclaims. “I’ve been talking for ten minutes and I don’t think you’ve heard a single word I’ve said.”

 

Baker sighs. “Han, I’m sorry.” She knows better than to protest because she’s guilty as charged. “I’m done, I promise.” She makes a show of closing all the other tabs she has open and folds her hands on her desk. “Look, I’m all yours.”

 

Hannah smiles softly. “I’d rather talk about you,” she says. “What’s eating you?” Baker bites her lip to hold back a laugh, but Hannah catches it too. “You have the dirtiest mind, Baker Hadley.”

 

“Hey, I didn’t say anything!”

 

“I saw that sparkle in your eyes,” Hannah says. “What has you so distracted, though?”

 

“Sorority stuff,” Baker mumbles. Hannah has been nothing but supportive ever since Baker announced her intention to rush a sorority last year, even when it meant having to leave early to go to college (and leave Hannah sooner), but sometimes Baker still feels weird talking about it.

 

She’s not good at keeping secrets, especially not from Hannah, and so much stupid sorority stuff is about ritual and tradition and exclusivity that she usually just avoids any topic that isn’t about parties or philanthropy or a date function she wants Hannah to come to. Even that stuff feels shallow when Hannah’s extracurricular activities are volunteering at elementary schools and counseling middle schoolers for her education track.

 

“You know I don’t mind if you bring someone to a date function,” Hannah says softly. It wasn’t until she came to Baker’s fall semi-formal that she realized how many times Baker had stayed home from fun things with her friends because she didn’t want to upset Hannah by taking a “date” to a grab-a-date event.

 

“It’s not that,” Baker sighs. “It’s big-little.” One of the most stressful parts of freshman year was the mad rush of “lady dating” that accompanied big sister/little sister preferences. Your big sister is supposed to be someone who shows you the ropes of sorority life and college in general, someone who you can have a good time with, but also who will hold your hair back when you drink too much and be there for you when you’re having a breakdown around finals. Baker was terrified that none of the older girls would like her or want to have her as a little, and Hannah had sat through her fair share of tearful phone calls calming her down.

 

In news that was shocking to nobody at all, Baker ended up being one of the most in-demand pledges, and she ended up with her first choice big sister, Christen. Still, it doesn’t surprise Hannah that Baker might be overthinking this.

 

“Oh,” Hannah says, finally understanding. “Yeah, Joanie and I were talking about that the other day. I forgot you were doing that! Are you excited?”

 

“I guess,” Baker says. “I’m just worried.”

 

“About what?”

 

“I don’t know, like what if none of them like me?” Baker shrugs. “I’ve already had like ten girls ask me to get coffee this week, but there’s a difference between thinking someone is cool from afar and actually liking them once you get to know them.”

 

“Oh my God,” Hannah groans. “Hashtag Baker problems.”

 

#BakerProblems started as a loving joke among the Six Pack for times when Baker got in a funk after getting an 89 on a test or because she couldn’t decide between the five different teachers vying to write glowing reviews for her college applications and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Some days Baker is more sensitive about it than others, but today she just rolls her eyes.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, they’re going to love you,” Hannah continues. “And hey, if they don’t, I’ll just make Joanie put you as her first pick.” Joanie is one of the new pledges in Baker’s sorority, which makes Hannah insanely jealous.

 

“Han, I’m serious,” Baker says, her voice small. “I’ve always wanted a little sister, and I really want them to like me, but I want them to like me for me. Not because I’m… I don’t know.”

 

“Super pretty and nice?” Hannah suggests. “A smoking hot babe? The smartest person I know?”

 

“Stop,” Baker says, blushing.

 

“Those are all just things I knew within the first few days of knowing you,” Hannah says. “And here we are five years later, and you just keep getting better every day.”

 

“You have to say that,” Baker protests.

 

“That is completely untrue and you know it,” Hannah says. “We’re far enough into this relationship that I pretty much know I’m not getting rid of you no matter what. When you stayed up with me all night when I had food poisoning? That’s when I knew it would take a lot to scare you away.”

 

“You’re not out of the woods yet,” Baker warns. “You could definitely screw up.”

 

“Doubtful,” Hannah says. “You can’t resist a good puppy dog pout.” She sticks out her lower lip to prove her point.

 

“Charlie’s still cuter, but keep trying.”

 

“It got your mind off of your little-hunting stress, didn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, till you brought it up again!” Baker whines. “Now I have to go to chapter and be all stressed.”

 

“I could definitely help relieve some of that stress,” Hannah hints with a smirk.

 

“Relieve your own stress,” Baker grumbles. “I have to get ready.”

 

“Oh, I forgot the other thing I love about you.”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“How chipper you are when you need a nap,” Hannah teases.

 

“Thin ice, Eaden.”

 

~

 

At least four more girls approach Baker at their chapter meeting Sunday night, where she gets up to speak about their upcoming costume party with Kappa Sigma, which she organized with Clay, who (reluctantly) agree to be her “date,” much to Hannah’s amusement. She says yes to coffee (or bagels or dinner) with all of them. When she looks at her planner for the coming week, she wants to cry, but she can’t bring herself to say no.

 

By Wednesday night, when Hannah texts her to FaceTime, she’s running late for her fifth “lady date” of the day and completely overwhelmed.

 

“It’s okay,” Hannah texts her. “Do what you need to. If you get home and want to talk, call me. I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Baker replies. “This is so stressful, and I know you think it’s stupid, but these conversations are so exhausting. It’s the same thing over and over, and we don’t get into real conversations about real stuff. I don’t know how many more times I can tell the story of how I chose KD and how I became socials chair.”

 

“Baby, you’re fascinating,” Hannah replies. “They want to know about you, but maybe they aren’t as good at the whole conversation thing as you are. Who is??? I don’t think it’s stupid at all. It’s important to you, so it’s important to me.”

 

“Thanks, Hannah-bear,” Baker taps back, crossing and uncrossing her legs while she waits for the girl she’s meeting at this sushi place to show up. She chews at her lip while she looks around, thinking about how long she’s going to give her.

 

If she takes a moment to breathe (which she barely has time for) and really think about it, small talk doesn’t bother her that much. She knows all these girls are trying their best to appear nice and personable and fun while still poised and perfect—they aren’t far enough into college or sorority life to be comfortable lounging around in running shorts and a T-shirt like the majority of the upperclassmen and Baker’s housemates in the sorority house do.

 

What scares her—what’s scared her since coming to college, since rushing a sorority, since looking for her own big and her own little crew to fit into—is not getting to be authentic. College is supposed to be her chance to reinvent herself, to be totally true to herself and to Hannah without even an ounce of shame, but that hasn’t happened. Everyone who knows Baker knows about Hannah, knows exactly who she is to Baker. Everyone who cares enough to ask knows how long it took to get to that point, how painful the journey was—and still is—at times.

 

One of the first things Christen asked her on their lady date (a trip to get snow cones) was about Hannah. Baker was surprised by it, but she answered truthfully, and Christen seemed genuinely interested. The conversation was easy and natural, unlike most of the forced recruitment conversations and the past seven (or was it eight? Baker can’t keep track) lady dates she’s had. Christen was her only choice. She’d listed four other girls, filling out all her options, but she would have been heartbroken to get anyone else as her big sister.

 

Later, when all the stress and worry was gone and Christen had become just another best friend to her, Baker asked why she had opened the conversation asking about Hannah. Christen shrugged as if she didn’t even realize it was a big deal.

 

“It’s simple,” she said. “Everyone loves to talk about the people and things they love, and I did my research before meeting up with you. I Facebook and Instagram-stalked you, I have no shame in that. But you posted pictures with this girl all the time, and it was obvious she wasn’t just your friend. It’s the easiest way to get someone to open up, just to ask about what they love, and I knew for you that was Hannah.”

 

Baker had tried to do her homework on these girls, but there are so many, and she has so few hours in the day. Even when she had uncovered a boyfriend, nobody seemed super amped to talk about him forever like Baker apparently had wanted to do when asked about Hannah.

 

“Hi, I’m so sorry I’m late!” The girl she’s meeting—Jordan—rushes in, shaking Baker from her thoughts. “I had a lab and it went late because one of the guys in my group put a decimal in the wrong place during like the second step, so we had to redo the whole thing.”

 

“No worries,” Baker laughs. “Been there, done that. First semester can be a killer. What’s your major?”

 

Jordan blushes. “Promise you won’t make fun.”

 

“Never.”

 

“I’m double majoring in biology and environmental science,” she says. “I know it’s so boring and nerdy, but I want to be a high school science teacher or maybe a college professor.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’m a nerd too,” Baker laughs. “I’m pre-vet. But my—” She stops herself. “I have a friend who’s studying to become a teacher.” She feels like a stone has settled into her stomach when she finishes her sentence. She hasn’t done that in a while, and it feels wrong.

 

She doesn’t know what Jordan says next, because her ears are ringing, and she finally stops her.

 

“I—I’m sorry,” Baker says. “I have to—my friend who’s studying education.” Jordan furrows her brow in confusion, but nods like she’s sort of following. “She’s my girlfriend, actually.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Jordan says. “Cool. So like I was saying—”

 

“No, I mean, like, we’re together. In a relationship. That kind of girlfriend.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I assumed you meant,” Jordan nods. “Is that—are you—did you think that was going to be a problem or something?”

 

Baker chews the inside of her cheek. Maybe she had thought that. Maybe that’s why none of her conversations have gone as deep as she’d like them to. Maybe she’s closing herself off to amazing people because she’s scared. Maybe history does repeat itself.

 

“Baker, it’s cool,” Jordan says. “I wanted to get to know you because I think you’d be an awesome big. Everyone talks about how great your relationship with Christen is, and that’s exactly what I want. A best friend who can be like a mentor in life and give me school advice and whatever. Whoever you’re dating doesn’t affect that.”

 

Baker nods, letting her words sink in. She’ll never admit to Hannah that maybe (just maybe) she was right about Baker overthinking things, but that night, she texts all the girls she has remaining meetings with and regretfully declines, telling them her week is insanely busy and she really wants to get to know them better, but maybe later on in the semester, after midterms.

 

At chapter on Sunday, she bravely (or stupidly?) writes Jordan’s name at the top of her list, leaving the other spaces blank. And a week later, she finally breathes a sigh of relief and squeals with delight to Hannah when she receives her little assignment at midnight in an email from the girl who’s in charge of matching them together.

 

“That’s great, Bake,” Hannah says with a yawn, rolling over and cradling the phone against her ear. “But if she replaces me, I’ll kill you.”


End file.
